The more I grow in my relationship with Christ the more I comprehend two realities: 1) The more I know reveals that I know absolutely nothing and 2) Lessons will never stop.
I believe that the Lord is teaching me a number of lessons in humility, delight, and understanding while I'm traveling around SEA this summer. These lessons I think I am catching a piece of. However, there are other lessons I am waiting to understand. Questions arise that make me wonder what I haven't learned yet and when I learn them will questions like these finally stop: Why am I still living in the US when my whole heart longs to be serving God and people in Asia? Why don't I know where He wants me full time? Why do I cling to singleness so tightly when I desire to be in an intimate relationship? Why am I just beginning to understand His love and affection for me? Why is it taking so long for me to grasp the lessons He is teaching me? Why do I always ask why and not just live daily knowing He is in control?
My head knowledge tells me that I will be taught lessons until the day I die; I'm alright with that. (Not so sure my heart is fully around that truth yet) I realize that lessons are always being taught to me. I have begun to understand that when I learn a little bit about something which God is revealing to me and I say to myself, "Yeah! I finally got it!" Then a few months, sometimes years, down the road He reveals the same lesson to me again on a deeper level and my eyes are opened to the fact that I didn't grasp as much about the lesson the first, second, or third time as I thought. Even after the afore mentioned questions are answered I'm sure there will be more questions that need answering and lessons that need to be learned.
But, will I ever learn all the lessons I need to learn? Will I actually "get it"? Will I one day stop asking all these questions and just allow God to lead me? I don't know...do you? Do others go through this type of thought process, wondering if they will ever figure out what God is teaching them or am I the faithless one in the bunch?
After the day I had today these questions are fueling my thoughts so I decided to write them here instead of in my journal. I'd like to hear a response from those who do or don't have similar questions and thoughts; some good encouragement in this area would be greatly appreciated!
2 comments:
The two realities are very true :)
For me, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm dumb. Not in a condescending manner, but compared to God and the world of knowledge out there, I know so little. And that's ok. Not only am I dumb, I also forget. The same lessons will be taught & reminded over and over again. Will we ever get it? Prayerfully... yes. But even if not, He's still the same and will keep at it. good thing that God's patient.
you're definitely not the faithless one in the bunch. Keep following Jesus, and the rest will fall into place. Thanks for your thoughts! :) Safe travels.
i hope you never stop having questions! even though it's uncomfortable, it seems like a better place to be to be engaging with life through questions than not.
i hope you're having a wonderful time! i can't wait to see you and hear your stories when you get back!
cw
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