Lighting Strikes

On September 4 I started this thing called Sabbatical. In my head there would be days of rest and spending hours in prayer and in God's Word. I would be still and know that God is God and receive divine insight and revelation regarding my future, my ministry and well, just life in general. I even have a few friends who were asking me get some of that insight and revelation on their behalf and I was bound and determined to see it through.

Hmm. Well, here we are four weeks into my sabbath and lighting has struck, just not the way I expected! The first week of my sabbatical was spent in lots of tears. I was crying constantly wondering how in the world I would ever be able to truly rest and prepare to move to Texas and develop new partnerships for my upcoming move to Southeast Asia. Wisdom from some good friends brought me through that meltdown. Insight = Lightning.

During week two I and my prayer partner, Danae, went to Evergreen to spend some time with the Lord. The first few days were really great. (Only I probably played hostess way too much.) We were on somewhat of a routine so we would exercise in the morning, have breakfast and spend the rest of the day on our own doing whatever we wanted; reading, writing, prayer, etc. In the midst of that time I was being extremely intentional about getting all of the Bible studies done that I had and trying hard to be sure that I did not lag behind in anything, but that everything was done and done well. I was really expecting to get hit with some lightning because of my obedience and my longing to constantly be in His Word. Yeah, not so much. Danae left a few days earlier than I did and after she left things went a little down hill. I suddenly became a vegetable and spent the majority of the day in tears and guilt. I was crying out to the Lord to speak to me, but I was feeling insanely guilty about being up there and not working. However, the majority of the guilt was from me not knowing how to truly be still, especially mentally. Why could I not hear God speak? Give me something, Lord! He did. He spoke and said that until I truly rested, meaning I get some real sleep and find physical as well as mental rest, He was not going to give me what I was asking for. Lightning had struck. I heard Him. I spent the last three days with no routine. I slept when I wanted to sleep, I read when I wanted to read, I took walks when I wanted to walk. It was a true time of rest.

Week three I was back in Denver and realized that I had a lot things to take care of before I move back to Texas. Here comes the mental unrest again. Beginning that week I spent a day setting up doctor and dentist appointments for the next two weeks. They have been filling my weeks like crazy. But in between these times I have seen God's gracious provision for the financial needs of unexpected medical costs. Nothings gives rest like God's provision. Lighting strikes.

Week four has been the best so far. The guilt is lessening. I am feeling more at peace with God because, honestly, He has been revealing Himself to me daily. He has revealed Himself in His Word, in prayer, in people, and in situations. Much has happened in the past four weeks and I know that I am not exactly where He would have me but my God is always victorious and through the meltdowns and the provisions I am finding rest.

I do not know what the next few weeks will look like before I end my time in Denver (which I am already missing) but I do know that in this time of planned rest I am finding redemption. It strikes again.