This is Why

Last week, leading up to Resurrection Sunday, I decided to take my quiet times and focus on the death, burial and resurrection. On Thursday evening I went to an English school in town that was hosting a meditative journey with events that happened prior to, during, and after the Cross. Throughout the journey we could read, listen, smell, taste even, aspects of the journey to the Cross. It was a beautiful way to meditate. I thoroughly enjoyed my time. We were also able to take home with us items that we saw that resonated with us and would help us to meditate more on our own. The photo attached is of some of the items I brought home to remember my experience. The small sack is filled with herbs and spices that I was able to create myself as a way to meditate on what the women were thinking when they went to prepare Jesus' body for burial.

At the end of the journey there was a place to sit and meditate. The instructions on the wall asked us to sit and imagine that we were there, a part of the story, on Jesus' way to the Cross. We needed to take some time to think about what we heard, saw, smelled, etc. I love meditating in this creative manner and I kind of liked the story that I came up with. There is quite a bit of tweaking that I could still do to the story but I thought some of you might like it too.

I have never been too physically close to Jesus. I have only ever been a part of the crowd, especially during those few days before His death. But, from the moment I first laid eyes on Him I knew there was something special about this man. I had seen with my own eyes some of the miracles He performed and had heard of many more while walking in the market place and around my family's table. When He rode into Jerusalem on the colt, I was there! I took off my outer cloak and laid it down. I was so honored that the colt stepped on my cloak! I think He saw me that day. I am sure He did; He must have! I remember, He looked right into my eyes and smiled. I have never been more humbled by a smile than I was by His. I was humbled but I was also full of a joy that I cannot explain, a joy that overcame me. When He looked at me I trembled; there was something different about Him. He was not just special, He was extraordinary! Later, when I heard that He had been arrested I was angry. Why would they arrest this man? What had he done wrong? I followed the crowds to watch and see what would happen to Him. The whole time I was looking at Him there was a sense of understanding, a sense of peace about Him. Why was He not defending Himself? I was burning with rage about the accusations I heard made about Him...He was calm. All these people are yelling to crucify Him and to let Barrabas go! What are they thinking? Can they not see the beauty that is bestowed upon us just by being in His presence? Am I the only one who can see this? When the verdict came that they decided to crucify Him I could not take it. I ran home to get my father; maybe he could explain to me what was going on. Maybe he could do something to help. My father was not home. While alone I began to weep and, although I have never spoken to God on my own, I asked Him why this man that, I think, I love has to die. The emotions and feelings inside of me could not be explained. There was something so undeniable about His radiance that I knew I loved Him with a love unlike any I had ever known before. I could not stop weeping and I heard no response from God. I pulled myself up and I walked toward Golgotha, where they take all the criminals this time of year. If I love him, I must watch him die.
The stench on the mountain was atrocious. It is no wonder they call it the place of The Skull. It was no place to celebrate for sure. The guards should be whipped for the way they treated Him! I see him suffering, the blood is worse than I have ever seen; the agony I saw on Him made me turn my face away. It was early morning, the sun came out but went away again and in the midst of the crucifixion there was no sunlight for three whole hours! What was happening? Through the tears running down my face I made out His last breath. He was saying something, but I was too far back to hear His words. I’m sure they were meant for me; maybe one day I will know them. I thought He was dead but they still stuck a spear in His side and even more blood came gushing out; I winced. At least He is in no more pain if He is dead. I wondered who was going to help us now? I mean, His miraculous works were unlike anything I have ever heard of or seen and I do not know if anyone can take His place. We have heard for years that a king would come and lead us; I thought Jesus might be that king but I guess I was wrong.
Over the next few days I mourned for His loss in the daytime while washing clothes and I had a hard time sleeping at night because of what I saw (it was a nightmare to watch and causes nightmares in remembrance). Deep inside I knew there had to be more to this man than a death like this. How could someone captivate me this way and then just die? I did not understand and I still have not heard from God since I asked him. Three days after the crucifixion I heard a rumor that His body was missing. What? Who would take his body? They seemed to despise it so much! Then I heard another rumor, that He is alive. No way! I saw him die with my own eyes, albeit they were filled with tears and I was a bit delusional. I decided that if He were alive I needed to see Him for myself. I began to inquire as to where His close companions were lodging and sure enough I found them. I hid out across the street in case I was not supposed to be there.
You could have knocked me over with a feather! I saw a man walk up to a door and knock...it was Him! It was Jesus! I gasped and brought my hand to my mouth quickly; He heard me and turned around. I could not do or say anything, I just stared in amazement. It was true! He was alive! He looked right at me and smiled; I would know those eyes and that smile anywhere! He did not have to say a word to me, it was like we totally understood each other, well, at least He understood me. Within the blink of an eye He was gone, I heard a little commotion in the house so I decided to leave the area and go home.
I knew it! I was right! There is something more to Jesus than just what people say! He did those miracles for a reason. He understood me without ever saying a word to me, for a reason! I heard a lot of talk over the next few days and weeks so finally decided that I needed to know more...once again. I heard that His followers had come back to Jerusalem and were beginning to tell people more and more about why Jesus had come, died, risen from the dead (which I knew was true) and then left us again. I inquired after His followers and they were so kind. They sat me down around a table and told me from beginning to end why Jesus had come. Do you know what I realized? I was right, He did understand me when He looked into my eyes. My mind and my heart were opened to much truth over the next few months. Today I follow Jesus (although I still have never been close to him physically, I am no longer just a part of the crowd; we are very intimate) and work a lot with other followers of His. I also heard back from God about the “Why?” question I asked the night before Jesus died. God told me, “Baby Girl, the One you love loves you more and you are why He had to die.”