The Anxious

My grandmother would use the Word to discipline me and help me deal with problems when I was a child. Once when my older brother, Ryan, and I got into a fight I yelled, "I hate you!" My grandmother graciously sat me down at the kitchen table, opened up the Good Book to 1 Corinthians 13 and had me read it out loud. I was then sent to my bed to read 1 Corinthians 13 until I understood what it said and could explain it to her. For her, it was showing love in discipline. For me, it worked. She was also quite aware of the anxious spirit I have carried with me from a young age and she would always speak the Word to help me deal with the anxiety. In almost every card she ever gave me she would write, "Do not be anxious for anything, but in prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to the Father." The anxiety I know she saw, I believe, has been a spiritual battle for me most of my life. A battle I was willing to lose because, although I hate being anxious and the thoughts in my heart and mind are like wild horse running across an open pasture, I have known my Anxiety for years, it is my companion, and if I don't have it with me I do not know what is on the other side. Does that make sense to anyone else?

Anyway, this Anxiety, this spiritual battle, that has befriended and tortured me has reached its climax. I cannot handle it anymore, especially living in another country! I thought I had come to my breaking point just over a month ago when my Precious Guide began to place on my heart a depth of understanding to Calvary's Love. My anxious thoughts, my anxious imagination, dreams and visions, began to diminish. They were no longer the issue because of Calvary's Love. A few weeks later He guided me to Ps 131. Oh! How it has taught me that an anxious heart cannot be a quiet heart that is humble, simple and trusting. Anxiety has kept me from these blessings for years! I was then reminded of Isa 26:3-4. "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed upon You, because he trusts in You. Trust in YHWH forever, for in Him, is everlasting strength." This false friend, Anxiety, has been belittling the strength the Father desires to give me! The Evil One stole my trust, my hope and my faith from me with his friend (and now I know, my enemy), Anxiety! But the Valiant Warrior who is my Protector and my Provider has restored my Trust, my Hope and my Faith! It is greater and stronger now than ever!

Oh! The power of the Word! I have spent one whole month meditating on these passages (with a few others thrown in for contemplation) and I have seen my heart and my thoughts changed. I have literally stopped in my tracks and said, "Huh? Why am I not more upset about this? Oh my! Father! Your Word is working in me!" I know that sounds crazy, but its true. It's even laughable because you would think I wouldn't be so surprised about that! Hmm.

I wonder what Word my grandmother would give me today? I wonder if she would be proud that this battle has been won, even after all these years? I wonder if she would sit me down and ask me to explain in more detail what He is teaching me through His Word? I think I'd like that. We used to take a little coffee with our milk and talk. This time the reason for sharing my thoughts with her about the Word would be because of the discipline my Greatest Love has given me because of His love for me.