I am typically not a person who likes to sit and type her thoughts out for the world to see. I enjoy journaling with a pen and paper but find typing my thoughts a little more difficult. However, my good friend Marti has encouraged me to begin taking the thoughts I have written on paper and putting them on a blog, not necessarily for the world to see, but more for her enjoyment! Right, Marti? So, the majority of the words found on this blog will come from journal entries that I actually have the guts to enter!
Last year after I came home from China I was in a state of confusion. I didn't really understand what I was feeling, what I was going through, or what I went through when battling spiritual warfare in a way I had never experienced before. I wrote what I would call a poem (not sure if those who are literature savvy would really call it that), the first poem I had ever written without a grade being put on it. I like to share this with people now, who are going through that place where they feel misunderstood mostly by themselves:
When I groan in the middle of the night
The God of wonders understands me
When I fight with all my might and break down because I am weak
The God of wonders understands me
When I feel alone and there is no face or ear to listen to my anguish
The God of wonders understands me
When I don't even know myself and cannot put into words the feelings and thoughts which rage inside me
The God of wonders understands me
You, Oh Lord, are my only friend
You, Oh Mighty One, are all that I need
You created me in my mother's womb
You know my heart and my anxious thoughts
When there is any offensive way inside me, Oh God, remove it from my midst that you may be glorified
For only you understand me
You have plans and desires for me that are not my own
For only you understand me
Your ways and your thoughts are higher than my ways and my thoughts
For only you understand me
You alone understand me
You never tire or grow weary when I am weak and empty
You alone understand me
Praise be to the Lord, the only one who understands me
4 comments:
Welcome back to the blogosphere, Mandy! And thank you for writing for my pleasure....I find myself wanting to go back to old journals and newsletters and populate my blog with stuff from the past that I want to share in this format... rather than just blogging the days as they come. A few times I have indeed pulled out old stuff and posted it.
It can be hard to feel heard, sometimes, and for me, hard to write when nobody is listening, so I've found blogging a very helpful discipline - reflective, but relational.
Besides the comment function, another thing that has helped - although this may be vanity - is installing a tool to help me track who is reading (at least by city). You can see by the week, by the day, how many hits you are getting, and from where (tracks the IP address of their computer). As word has gotten out that I'm a blogger I've grown to about 20 visitors a day. Knowing people are checking in on me reminds me that they care!
Anyway, the system I use is Google Analytics. You should be able to find it easily enough through Google if this is of interest to you.
Today I'm working on your B. report - again. I'd hoped to finish up my part on that by the end of May but am behind. Hey, did you know the agency I'm working for now has something going on with that group? I don't know who or where, though.
hey mandy girl...thanks for putting this up for the public eye. Marti's benefit and mine! I owe her...
To this day, this poem still strikes a chord in my heart when I read it. I read it again just the other day when I returned home to so. Cal and got all teary-eyed. I'm taking it overseas with me this summer too...
thanks for sharing!!!
Thanks, E. I find so much comfort just in knowing that it has touched at least one person, besides me! Love ya and I'll see you when you get back!
mk
Wow Mandy, you are such a beautiful person. These posts all struck me because of the amount of comfort they gave when I was reading them. You do kind of have that effect whenever I get to see you... :) Thanks for posting.
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